im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
