Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
