I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
