Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
