at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize