is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
