I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
