Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Operation Purity has been aborted
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
