we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
