GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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