If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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