I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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