I'm jealous of your bromance
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
