We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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