youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
