Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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