While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
