I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
