Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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