You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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