Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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