foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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