hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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