i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
