i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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