gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
