Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
