These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
