the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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