I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
