Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
