I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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