So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
