Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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