I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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