You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
