I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
