Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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