the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
