We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
