My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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