Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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