you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
