Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
