what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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