im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
