You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
