i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
