and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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