My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
