wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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