my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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