So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
