Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize