I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
