Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
