I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
