Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
