Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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