Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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