I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
