1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have post one night stand depression
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize