Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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