Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
