you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
