Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my mouth tastes like poor choices
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
