so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
