he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
