yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
