It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
