batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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