Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
