I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
