I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
