I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I understand Curling. That high.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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