I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
