apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
